Humor aloft

Note: For those that don't know, "The Sled" is the SR-71 Blackbird
spy plane from the 1960's and still flying and still the fastest.
In his book, "Sled Driver", SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:
"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope.
I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed.

"90 knots" Center replied.

Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same.

"120 knots," Center answered.

We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout." There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause.

As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a
familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?"

There was a longer than normal pause.... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"
(That's about 2004 mph for those who don't know)
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
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In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a
request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000ft). The incredulous
controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to
get up to 60,000 feet?

The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it; we plan to go down to it."

He was cleared.
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The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He
placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the
navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart
table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
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When Hillary Clinton visited Iraq, the Army Blackhawk
helicopter used to transport the Senator was given the call sign
"Broomstick One". And they say the Army has no sense of humor!
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Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the MD80 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane.
Did you make it all by yourself?"

Our hero, the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came
back with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that
and I'll have enough parts for another one."
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There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running, "a bit peaked."

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."